reformation of thought

Yesterday we went and looked at a few apartments. It was depressing. We said no to both of them. They were horrid. The floors were torn up, broken and missing tiles, in one it was just impossible to clean. They didn't have showers, just a spout in the bathroom. They didn't have western toilets, the 'old fashioned' kind in this part of the world, a porcelain hole in the floor. In the second apartment, the walls were terrible, not only needing new paint, but at the top mildew damage. The kitchen in that one was bad too, primitive and with a look of permanent dirt.

It not only was upsetting because we didn't find something suitable, but it was also depressing because I realise that millions of people live like this. I mean I thought I understood poverty. This was disturbing. I guess its one thing to know about things and another to go look at these kind of places when you need a place to live. I know I can't expect to find a place like the one I have now, but something decent. Bare and minimal, fine. But liveable. It was shocking.

Its jarred my thoughts about development, about people, about life. I'm still not sure what to think. It makes me want to crawl back into a comfortable place in my head, but I have a feeling its going to take awhile to find that place again.